As I mentioned in my previous post, Using Song Lyrics for empowering decisions and beliefs, “As with many decisions and beliefs we always have to stay mindful of when they (song lyrics) empower and serve us and at which point they no-longer empower and serve us – and then transform them to- or replace them with- new decisions and beliefs.”
And now the story of What to do when Love Hurts…
My brother and his wife visited us at a holiday home recently and stayed over for the night. We were very excited to be spending time with them. At one point, all except myself were in the games room playing table tennis, and I found myself inside the main house keeping myself apart from the group. It was very clear to me that I both wanted to have my brother here and that I wanted to spend time connecting with the whole family – so why was I keeping myself apart?
Shortly after, on a work day, I found myself battling to mentally ‘get in the game’ and was spending time playing a video-game on my iPad. I work from home and our boys were both on school holidays – so requesting the day off to spend time with them would have been an obvious alternative to working. Yet I found myself spending more and more time playing on the iPad – well into the night. Connecting on an even deeper level with my wife and children is one of my biggest goals, yet here I was with opportunity, but still keeping myself apart. Why?
I sat with the questions “What is keeping me from connecting with my family? What is keeping me apart? What have I decided (or do I believe) about spending time with them that could cause this?”. In short, what limiting decisions or beliefs do I have in this area (considering I am already a loving person)?
Then I heard it playing in my mind (in my memory). the Nazareth Lyrics of “Love Hurts”….
Love hurts, love scars, love wounds
And marks, any heart
Not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts
I’m young, I know, but even so
I know a thing or two
And I learned from you
I really learned a lot, really learned a lot
Love is like a flame
It burns you when it’s hot
Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts
Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They’re not foolin’ me
I know it isn’t true, I know it isn’t true
Love is just a lie
Made to make you blue
Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts
ooh, ooh love hurts
Did this serve me? NO! Did I intellectually think I believed it? NO! But clearly it was there in the recesses of my mind; in my neurology – and clearly I needed to transform it to a decision and belief that serves me. I used the decision destroyer technique** that I mentioned in my previous post Removing Limiting decisions and limiting beliefs, and the result was this (that you may want to ‘try on’ for yourself):
“Love is amazing, spectacular and fulfilling. Love is joy, laughter and fun. Love is all I need. My love is all I need – it fills me up from the inside out and is undeterred by outside events. Life’s ups and downs may happen and my love will see me through. Love is pure and kind and compassionate – it fills me up inside. Love is wonderful and kind. ‘Love is blind’. Everything is better with love.”
As I was undergoing this change in decision and belief, another song’s lyrics sprang to mind. I decided to tackle it separately and specifically. The lyrics of Pat Benatar’s song “Love is a Battlefield” are as follows:
We are young
Heartache to heartache
We stand
No promises
No demands
Love is a battlefield
We are strong
No one can tell us we’re wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield
You’re begging me to go
Then making me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way
Or am I the best thing you’ve had
Believe me
Believe me
I can’t tell you why
But I’m trapped by your love
And I’m chained to your side
We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises
No demands
Love is a battlefield
We are strong
No one can tell us we’re wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield
When I’m losing control
Will you turn me away
Or touch me deep inside
And when all this gets old
Will it still feel the same
There’s no way this will die
But if we get much closer
I could lose control
And if your heart surrenders
You’ll need me to hold
We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises
No demands
Love is a battlefield
We are strong
No one can tell us we’re wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield
The bulk of the lyrics did not serve me, so again I decided to transform them – making a new decision and a new belief. The new decision that you can also “try on” is:
“Love is a playground – a most magnificent, spectacular playground. Love is joy and fun and laughter – a ‘place’ we meet and connect with all our friends; a place we make lots & lots of new friends. Love is a playground of connection, of sharing, and of caring. Here we are all young, playing joyfully, uninhibited and free. All are welcome here – all is welcome here. ‘A smiling face, a happy face for a loving grace‘ (my re-wording of Soul II Soul’s “Jazzie’s Groove”)“
So, what is it that you believe about love? What decisions have you made about it? Do they serve you, and if not, what will your new decision be once you transform it?
**From Christopher Howard’s “Your Personal Breakthrough”