Tag: Limiting Decision

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What to do when Love Hurts

As I mentioned in my previous post, Using Song Lyrics for empowering decisions and beliefs, “As with many decisions and beliefs we always have to stay mindful of when they (song lyrics) empower and serve us and at which point they no-longer empower and serve us – and then transform them to- or replace them with- new decisions and beliefs.”

And now the story of What to do when Love Hurts…

My brother and his wife visited us at a holiday home recently and stayed over for the night.  We were very excited to be spending time with them.  At one point, all except myself were in the games room playing table tennis, and I found myself inside the main house keeping myself apart from the group.  It was very clear to me that I both wanted to have my brother here and that I wanted to spend time connecting with the whole family – so why was I keeping myself apart?

Shortly after, on a work day, I found myself battling to mentally ‘get in the game’ and was spending time playing a video-game on my iPad.  I work from home and our boys were both on school holidays – so requesting the day off to spend time with them would have been an obvious alternative to working.  Yet I found myself spending more and more time playing on the iPad – well into the night.  Connecting on an even deeper level with my wife and children is one of my biggest goals, yet here I was with opportunity, but still keeping myself apart.  Why?

I sat with the questions “What is keeping me from connecting with my family?  What is keeping me apart?  What have I decided (or do I believe) about spending time with them that could cause this?”.  In short, what limiting decisions or beliefs do I have in this area (considering I am already a loving person)?

Then I heard it playing in my mind (in my memory).  the Nazareth Lyrics of “Love Hurts”….

Love hurts, love scars, love wounds
And marks, any heart
Not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts

I’m young, I know, but even so
I know a thing or two
And I learned from you
I really learned a lot, really learned a lot
Love is like a flame
It burns you when it’s hot
Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts

Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They’re not foolin’ me

I know it isn’t true, I know it isn’t true
Love is just a lie
Made to make you blue
Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts
ooh, ooh love hurts

Did this serve me?  NO!  Did I intellectually think I believed it?  NO!  But clearly it was there in the recesses of my mind; in my neurology – and clearly I needed to transform it to a decision and belief that serves me.  I used the decision destroyer technique** that I mentioned in my previous post Removing Limiting decisions and limiting beliefs, and the result was this (that you may want to ‘try on’ for yourself):

“Love is amazing, spectacular and fulfilling.  Love is joy, laughter and fun.  Love is all I need.  My love is all I need – it fills me up from the inside out and is undeterred by outside events.  Life’s ups and downs may happen and my love will see me through.  Love is pure and kind and compassionate – it fills me up inside.  Love is wonderful and kind.  ‘Love is blind’.  Everything is better with love.”

As I was undergoing this change in decision and belief, another song’s lyrics sprang to mind.  I decided to tackle it separately and specifically.  The lyrics of Pat Benatar’s song “Love is a Battlefield” are as follows:

We are young
Heartache to heartache
We stand

No promises
No demands
Love is a battlefield

We are strong
No one can tell us we’re wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

You’re begging me to go
Then making me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way
Or am I the best thing you’ve had

Believe me
Believe me
I can’t tell you why
But I’m trapped by your love
And I’m chained to your side

We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises
No demands
Love is a battlefield

We are strong
No one can tell us we’re wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

When I’m losing control
Will you turn me away
Or touch me deep inside
And when all this gets old
Will it still feel the same
There’s no way this will die
But if we get much closer
I could lose control
And if your heart surrenders
You’ll need me to hold

We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises
No demands
Love is a battlefield

We are strong
No one can tell us we’re wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

The bulk of the lyrics did not serve me, so again I decided to transform them – making a new decision and a new belief.  The new decision that you can also “try on” is:

“Love is a playground – a most magnificent, spectacular playground.  Love is joy and fun and laughter – a ‘place’ we meet and connect with all our friends; a place we make lots & lots of new friends.  Love is a playground of connection, of sharing, and of caring.  Here we are all young, playing joyfully, uninhibited and free.  All are welcome here – all is welcome here.  ‘A smiling face, a happy face for a loving grace‘ (my re-wording of Soul II Soul’s “Jazzie’s Groove”)“

So, what is it that you believe about love?  What decisions have you made about it?  Do they serve you, and if not, what will your new decision be once you transform it?

**From Christopher Howard’s “Your Personal Breakthrough”

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New Decision to “try on”: I am a Magnificent Co-Creator

“I am Magnificent.  All I need is within me now.  All the resources I need are within me now.  I love myself.  I respect myself.  I control (manage) what is inside of me.  I choose what to think & feel and how to act & re-act.  Whatever happens in the outside world will not & does not deter me.  I am unaffected by outside storms and challenges – I am un-deterred.  Nothing can stop me.  I am on purpose.  I love the night & the day, dawn & dusk, sunshine & rain, light & dark, storms & calm – they are all expressions of this magnificent life.  All the love I need is within me now.  All the respect I need is within me now.  I am loved and protected, no matter what happens.  I can (co-)create anything I want.  I can choose anything I want.  I am Magnificent.”

Try it on for yourself.

For how to transform your own previously limiting decisions & beliefs, see my post Removing Limiting Decisions and Beliefs

For other decisions & beliefs to “try on” visit the Decisions and Beliefs category on my blog.

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New Decision to “try on”: I am spectacular

“I am spectacular.  I am resilient.  I love and enjoy the path, and embrace everything on the journey.  I achieve my outcome(s).  I achieve mastery.  I am spectacular. I’ve got the ‘glow’.  I am resourceful.  I welcome and embrace life.  I dance through all it has to offer – all it offers up.  I am lucky and I am grateful.  What an amazing, spectacular life.  Thank you!”

Try it on for yourself.

For how to transform your own previously limiting decisions & beliefs, see my post Removing Limiting Decisions and Beliefs

For other decisions & beliefs to “try on” visit the Decisions and Beliefs category on my blog.

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New Decision to “try on”: Relationships are a blessing

As per my previous post on New Decisions, in a recent “Decision Destroyer”** process, I transformed a previously limiting decision & belief that was holding me back.  ‘Try it on’ for yourself:

“Relationships exponentially multiply the joy, fun, laughter, love and adventure we have in life.  They are the greatest gift we could have/receive – to love, be loved, and spend time together.  Relationships are a blessing – a gift.  Thank you!”

If you’ve not tried to transform previous decisions or beliefs, see my previous post on Removing Limiting Decisions & Limiting Beliefs.

Enjoy!!

**”Decision Destroyer” is a process in Christopher Howard’s “Your Personal Breakthrough” program

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Using Song Lyrics for empowering decisions and beliefs

Whether you sing at the top of your lungs and dance with full expression or merely listen along, songs have the ability to impact our immediate mood as well as our outlook and our beliefs in life.

If you have had some experience with NLP, Hypnosis, Neuro-Associative Conditioning (NAC – Tony Robbins), other modalities or simply think about it logically, positive, empowering and creative words and phrases in music have the ability to empower us (while negative, disempowering and destructive words and phrases have the ability to disempower us) on a deep, on-going level.

They can form the basis of many of our decisions and beliefs about ourselves, about life, men and women, money, etc.

In the same way we feed our body nourishing food to get the best out of it, we need to nourish our minds to get the best out of it.

As such I strongly suggest being clear on the songs, words and phrases you repeatedly listen to, weed out those that don’t empower you and re-interpret those that may be mostly positive but with some limitations. (ie decide for yourself on some of the meaning)

With that in mind, there are a number of songs I will recommend you singing out loud to and physically expressing (whether in dance or posture), starting with the chorus of Robbie Williams’ “I love my life”.

When you “try it on” (with any empowering song), let any emotion be there that needs to be there. For myself, I feel empowered in general and at times in the past I cried – I felt that in some areas I was living up to the words and in others not (but always progressing on the journey).

In some cases the tears that come may be tears of ‘overwhelm’ (of the sheer power of the feelings or emotions) – possibly even our fear at being all these things [that we are singing].  As Marianne Williamson said “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us”

However, back to NLP, NAC, Hypnosis, and other modalities, repeating the song(s) with FULL expression in mind, voice and action is part of state management. And if we are managing our state to be “I love my life”, we are better set to welcome abundance into it. Love is our natural state, clear of all conditioning – I can think of no better state to be in than love.

As with many decisions and beliefs we always have to stay mindful of when they empower and serve us and at which point they no-longer empower and serve us – and then transform them to- or replace them with- new decisions and beliefs. (ie even if you choose to embrace them now, reflect on them again later on your journey)

Enjoy!!

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New Decision to “try on”: I Deserve this fantastic life

In a recent “Decision Destroyer”** process, I transformed a previously limiting decision & belief and the outcome reminded me of Pema Chodron’s book “True Happiness: True Happiness is Your Birthright”.  ‘Try it on’ for yourself:

“All we need to do to ‘Deserve’ the things we receive / get in life is to be thankful & appreciative, [and] to embrace it (life) and live it fully.  Ask, receive, accept, embrace, enjoy and give thanks!!  I DO DESERVE THIS fantastic, awesome life and I am incredibly grateful and thankful for it.”

If you’ve not tried to transform previous decisions or beliefs, see my previous post on Removing Limiting Decisions & Limiting Beliefs.

Enjoy!!

**”Decision Destroyer” is a process in Christopher Howard’s “Your Personal Breakthrough” program

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Removing Limiting decisions and limiting beliefs

In my most recent listening of Christopher Howard’s “Your Personal Breakthrough” I was reminded that decisions precede beliefs – we decide what something means and what we are going to believe, then we hold that belief.

Limiting decisions (and the subsequent limiting beliefs) hold us back from our true selves, our true nature and the highest & best life we can live.

Many of these decisions and beliefs were “handed” to us by parents, teachers, friends, society, the media and so on.  Neither they nor ourselves are to blame, but it is now our responsibility to identify and decide consciously for ourselves what new decisions to make and what new beliefs to hold. (and be open and willing to change those again if-and-when they too begin to limit us)

Christopher Howard’s “Decision Destroyer” (in the “Your Personal Breakthrough” pack) offers a somewhat more vivid, experiential and complete process than I have undergone before – with many of the essential components being common with other processes I’ve undergone.  If you have a chance to use the program, I’m sure you would benefit greatly from it.

Here is my summary interpretation of it with some deviation from my own preferred practice and my experience going through some Paul McKenna processes:

  1. Ask yourself what limiting decisions or beliefs you have (in a particular area of your life) that holds you back from having what you truly want
  2. Identify the most limiting 2-3 decisions or beliefs – that if changed would significantly change the outcomes you experience
  3. Once you have identified your 2-3 most limiting beliefs (about yourself, men/women, life, money, etc), select the most limiting decision for the rest of the process
  4. Go back in time (in your mind) to the time you made the decision and see & feel what is going on for you at the time.  It may not be all that clear but just allow yourself to experience it as much as possible.  See what you need to see, hear what you need to hear and feel what you need to feel.
  5. Look for the positive meaning and lessons (ie those that empower you and will ‘set you free’)
  6. Go back to just before the original incident / time where the decision was made and make a new, empowering decision based on the positive meaning and lessons
  7. Re-live the incident / time in your mind, but now with the new decision / belief and see how differently things unfold
  8. Finally, write down your new decision and repeat it regularly in the days and weeks to come

For the other 1-2 most limiting decisions or beliefs, repeat steps 4 – 8.

Removing limiting decisions / beliefs is one of the most liberating exercises I’ve undergone.

Enjoy your new freedom!!!